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Monday, March 25, 2013

It's been a while sincemy last update

And I'm still not feeling well
I don't now really know why I'm so sad and not feeling happy anymore. One day I can feel perfectly fine and the next day I feel like a total mess and getting out of bed to go to college is the hardest thing to do. My head is so full of random thoughts it hurts, like really hurts. I feel tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. It has begun to affect my studies too, I have been obsessing over studying for the upcoming exams but my concentration is gone. Reading one page of a 40 page article feels like an accomplishment even when I'm not even close to having finished reading half the stuff I'm supposed to read. How I will ever make this time, I don't know. I'm trying the best I can and I really, really, really don't wanna quit criminology. I'm liking it way too much too lose it, I just can't allow it to happen.

The past two Sundays I have been doing stuff my some friends and I've noticed that it helps me to forget all of the bad thoughts for a while. For a few hours I am in happy place where everything is fine and nothing is going wrong. Exams are forgotten for a while, headache is gone for the time being and I feel blessed to have a fun time. But when getting up in the morning is hard and you have a bad case of shyness and therefore have a hard time reaching out to people and say: hey let's do fun stuff! Life's not as awesome anymore as when you were with your friends, I do need my alone time to "recharge" and I'm still an introverted person but that doesn't mean I want to be alone all time. The headache, the tiredness, the awful thoughts, it all comes back.

So now I'm sitting here again, contemplating my life and still not being happy about it. You'd think that at one point in life you have encountered enough setbacks and shittyness and that life should start compensating you for all the shit that's going wrong but no. Life has this special way of saying fuck you I'm not with giving you hard time, let's make it all worse. If karma really exists it owes me a lot and it better start paying me back right now, I could really use it.

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